How a Big Brother Feels
by Mithril Lace
Summary: The night the Strawhat crew embarks for Dressrosa, Law finds out Luffy hasn't opened up over the events of Marineford with his crew, and against his better judgment, decides to check on his emotional state. Can be considered Lawlu or just nakamaship.


**A/N:** So… in the midst of working on a LawLu idea I had, I wound up turning it into an epic that's probably going to exceed 40 chapters at this rate. To make up for how long that one's taking me after letting people know I was returning to writing fanfics, I tried my hand at some shorter stories. This is a one shot with more 'implied' platonic Luffy x Law love, because I want to write more about them. (I'll eventually have stories where they mouth kiss, but for now I'm digging the platonic romance vibe. Also fair warning when I do descend into the romantic areas, Luffy is my main seme.)

Anywho! I may do a sequel from the crew's perspective if I can't let it go, but for now, this is a one-shot taking place between Punk Hazard and Dressrosa. Mild SPOILERS for the Dressrosa arc. Sorry if the formatting got wonky. I always have issues formatting it for posting once I've written it.

I do not own One Piece. Praise be to Oda.

* * *

The sea was surprisingly calm given the events that had transpired earlier that day. Despite the fact that they were supposed to be keeping an eye out for any attacks, only a couple members of the crew actually seemed concerned about the danger. His eyes flickered to one of them. The reindeer doctor seemed to be putting on a brave face, but he was barely touching his food. Then again, they _had_ just feasted on Punk Hazard, and Law had a feeling they were only eating such a large dinner because the captain was a literal bottomless pit for food.

It was still a culture shock being around this unruly group. It wasn't like he hadn't known they were unconventional or anything, but after all of their exploits as pirates and the fame they'd acquired, he'd still expected something… else. His first impression of them hadn't been much to go by. He'd seen Luffy's insanity in person, which hadn't been boring at all, but his crew had seemed more reliable back then. They'd at least taken the situation seriously.

After the last two years, he'd expected them all to be more focused. His eyes flickered to Luffy at the thought. It was still jarring to reconcile the last time they'd seen each other versus the way he was now. He glanced around the room again, taking stock of the group around the table. The stray samurai and his son were the only two patrolling the ship for any potential enemy attacks, although Law also figured they had things to discuss in private. Almost all of the food was gone, and the content captain was grinning from ear to ear, complimenting the cook on the taste. His compliments weren't mere flattery, either. Law had to admit the food was more delicious than the typical meals served on pirate ships, not that he admitted this _out loud._

"Well, I'll go have a look around and make sure the coast is clear," Luffy said cheerfully in response to a worry someone had expressed, patting his expanded belly and grinning that carefree grin.

"Don't do anything stupid," Nami warned, though from her expression it seemed like she wouldn't be surprised if he did.

Law wanted to ask how much trouble he could get into _on_ the ship, but refrained. If anyone was capable of that, he figured it would be Luffy. Lending voice to that thought would probably be tempting fate, and it was a risk he didn't intend to take.

When Luffy just laughed off Nami's concern and headed out, Law sighed, unable to keep quiet. "He really is this carefree all the time, isn't he?"

All eyes were suddenly on him, making him regret opening his mouth. He didn't mind commanding their attention when it had to do with their mission-not that he ever really seemed to-but talking about the personality or emotional state of their captain, who Law barely knew? Not his idea of fun. It was simply for the sake of the mission, he told himself.

"Didn't you already know that?" Nami questioned, leaning over the table a little to look at him. The atmosphere had shifted from playful with a side of fear to an unreadable intensity. "Were you expecting something different?"

"I guess there's no point in denying it," Law said, leaning back in his chair a little. Even the sniper with the comically long nose was looking at him seriously. It figured, just when Law thought they didn't take _anything_ seriously, he managed to push some buttons. "I was."

"You do remember that this is Luffy, the insane pirate who you met while he was punching a Tenryuubito, right?" Nami asked. The others seemed satisfied to see where she'd take the conversation.

"I recall."

"And I know you've been warned at least once, but do you really understand that Luffy doesn't see an alliance as a business deal?" Nami continued. "Once he considers someone his friend, he'll go above and beyond to help them in any way he can. He sees you as his friend now."

Law narrowed his eyes at those words, but he didn't answer right away.

"I warned him," Usopp chimed in.

"So did I," Sanji added, taking out a cigarette.

"In any case," Nami spoke up again, glancing from the others back to Law. "You saw his actions back on Punk Hazard too. Are you really still surprised about him being carefree now?"

Law sighed. He doubted any of them would let him bow out of the conversation gracefully, and while Luffy was willing to just take things as they happened, the rest of the crew was far more perceptive, and obviously protective of their captain. "It's been two years since the last time I saw him," he said finally. "And I don't mean back on Saboady."

"Luffy said you were the one who helped him escape from the war," Usopp's voice was serious. "That wasn't in the papers."

"Eh?" Chopper stood up in his chair and leaned over the table a little. "Torao did?"

"Luffy brought it up while we were separated," Robin clarified for Franky, Sanji, Chopper, and Nami. "He also said you treated his injuries and saved his life, just like Jinbe."

Law sighed. "I've said it before, but I'll tell you all the same thing now before you get the wrong impression. I didn't save him for any specific reason, nor did I want him to feel indebted to me. It was a whim, and I didn't think he'd survive anyway."

"Why not? Were his injuries really that bad…?" Chopper seemed to quiver with that idea, looking at him with large eyes. As the ship's doctor, Law assumed he probably felt like he should have been there to treat the injuries himself.

"Yes," Law answered bluntly, noting that some of them seemed to tense at this information. Had Luffy really waited until he'd fully recovered before going back this crew? Or had he just downplayed everything? "His mental state was far worse than his physical state, but since he survived, I can only assume Jinbe was able to restrain or talk him down."

"Wait wait, what?" Nami held both hands up now. "What do you mean?"

"We know Jinbe saved his life," Sanji spoke before Law could answer, lighting his cigarette and gazing to him with a look that could have been intimidating to a lesser man. "But we don't know the full extent of it. Luffy never talks about what happened back then, for obvious reasons."

"It's not like I was on the battlefield with him," Law sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "But when he was turned over to me, he was completely unresponsive and on the brink of death. From what I understand, he lost consciousness in the middle of the battlefield, abruptly following his brother's death." He opened his eyes, noting that most of them had flinched at the reminder. "The papers detailed that his brother died protecting him, but they didn't detail that he died in Mugiwara-ya's arms."

"He…" Nami trailed off, hand covering her mouth and eyes wide with horror. "How do you know that…? You said you weren't there…"

Brook set down his teacup, while Zoro very obviously clenched his jaw.

"And I didn't ask. But even with all of his injuries when I began to operate, there was no reason for so much blood to be on his hands. It wasn't his," Law said. "So if you're wondering why I find it hard to believe he's so carefree and happy all the time, it's because the moment he regained consciousness, he wrecked a lot of my equipment and crew in a blind rampage while screaming for his brother. Trying to find him. The last time I saw him, he was running the risk of re-opening all of his wounds-which would have killed him- and tearing through a forest in panic."

"Luffy…" Usopp was struggling to hold back tears at the idea, but Chopper wasn't even trying to do that much. The young reindeer was picked up by a pair of phantom hands, and then transferred across the table into Robin's actual arms so she could hug and soothe him.

"So Jinbe was able to stop him from destroying himself," Zoro finally spoke up, opening his eye to show he'd been listening.

"Apparently," Law agreed. "I left before he came out of the forest. Since you were all out of the spotlight for so long, I thought he probably hadn't survived. I'm also a little confused as to why none of you seem to know any of this. Didn't you ask about it at all?"

The crew exchanged glances, before Nami sighed softly and folded her hands in her lap. Her eyes were downcast. "We probably would have, if we'd managed to get to him earlier," she said softly. She didn't want Luffy to overhear them, not that she thought he'd be anywhere but on his special seat, staring out at the sea by now. "Did you see the newspaper about his return to Marineford?"

"I did," Law raised an eyebrow now. "I assume it had to do with Rayleigh-ya's plan for him. I didn't ask, though."

"Right," Nami fidgeted. "It was a way of getting a message to the rest of us, since we'd all been scattered all over the world with no way to contact each other."

"The short version is, Luffy was telling us we wouldn't be meeting back up for two years," Sanji took over the explanation. "In a way that no one else would understand."

"Vivi-chan probably noticed something was off," Nami couldn't help but comment with a fond look. "Since it was so unlike Luffy."

"She's very intelligent," Robin agreed, still soothing Chopper. Then she turned her serious gaze to Law. "What we're trying to say is, we were all separated for two years. We didn't see Luffy again until very recently."

"And it's not like we wanted to open any wounds that might have healed," Usopp still looked nervous as he said it, giving Law the impression that the sniper wanted to go find his captain and hug him.

"So," Law said after a moment. "He hasn't shown that pain to anyone here?"

"Luffy-san," Brook murmured.

"No, he hasn't," Robin said, gaze still on Law. "It's because he's our captain."

"He seems like the kind of captain who'd lean on his crew when he needed it," Law argued. "He's really clingy. Really. Clingy."

"Back then, he might have," Zoro spoke again, before standing up. "But none of us were able to help him at that time."

"He might not seem perceptive, but he knows we all wanted to be there for him," Sanji took over. "And since none of us were, he won't bring it up not only because I'm sure it's still a painful memory, but because it's a reminder that we failed him."

"I'd hardly call it a failure on your parts," Law said, watching Zoro leave the room.

"He wouldn't either," Nami murmured. "But the truth is, none of us were able to be there for him when he needed us most, and that's what he's protecting us from. I'm just happy he wasn't really alone back then."

Law stood. "Sorry for bringing up bad memories."

He turned to leave as well, positive the rest of the crew had more to talk about and even more positive he wanted nothing to do with that conversation. The cyborg had been streaming tears since he'd mentioned Luffy's reaction to waking up, mumbling his love for people like Jinbe and Rayleigh while a phantom hand gently patted his back.

Law's eyes wandered, searching the deck of the Sunny for the chipper captain. How had he made it two years without seeing any of his friends? How was he always smiling and carefree after what he'd been through? It had only started to make sense to him after seeing the interactions of the crew, but if they hadn't been together, and Luffy had pulled himself out of it before reuniting with them… had he really? Or did it still haunt him sometimes? He knew all too well what it was like to pretend to be perfectly fine while being haunted by the demons of the past and convincing yourself you were strong enough to deal with it alone.

Still, even with that thought, Law had no obligation to check on Luffy's mental state. He'd long since stopped being a patient. He was annoying and frustrating, but for better or worse, they were in an alliance. Considering how he intended their alliance to end, maybe it wouldn't hurt to show a little compassion now. It would help assuage any guilt he might feel later, not that compassion or guilt really came easily to him anymore.

Luffy wasn't very easy to spot from the angle Law stood at, but finding him was still relatively simple. He was sitting on the figurehead, relaxed and content despite how easily he could slide off and into the sea. Law briefly wondered if Luffy had ever fallen asleep there and just toppled right off, but assumed even if he had, it wouldn't deter him from doing it again. For several moments, Law simply stood there, debating on whether or not he wanted to go talk to him. It was finally sheer curiosity that won out, causing him to make his way to the figurehead and calmly sit beside the younger captain.

"Oh, Torao," Luffy greeted him with that same bright grin, the one that seemed infectious to other people but couldn't budge Law's expression. It actually annoyed him more than anything because it reminded him of another grin that was as goofy as it was heartwarming. "Did you need something?"

"No, not really," Law answered, making himself comfortable. "I was talking with your crew though. I had no idea it wasn't just me you hadn't seen in two years."

Luffy paused, and it was such a subtle change in his posture that anyone paying less attention would easily miss it. He was still smiling. "Yeah, we had to get stronger before we could come to the New World."

"Not that it's my business, but have you talked to any of them about what happened?" Law asked. He knew the answer, obviously, but he wanted to hear it from Luffy. "You were a wreck the last time I saw you."

The smile faded a little more, but it wasn't gone. It was a sad smile, but still more of a smile than Law had managed in years. Smug smirks and amused grins didn't count. "No. There's nothing I can really say about it right now."

"Have you moved on?" Law turned his head to study Luffy.

"If you're asking me if I still miss him, of course I do," Luffy answered, his voice growing a little softer as he stared out into the night sky. "But I know he wouldn't want his death to hold me back. I have to live life without regrets, so no matter how much I miss him, thinking about all of the pain and despair I felt back then would only upset him."

"That's an impressive way to think after only two years," Law commented, leaning back and glancing to the sky as well. Far healthier than his own way of thinking after thirteen. He couldn't count his first losses. He hadn't even tried to heal after those.

Luffy was uncharacteristically quiet for several moments, before taking his hat off and letting it rest on his upper back instead. "It's not the first time I've ever lost someone I loved."

Law glanced at him again, though he refrained from speaking at first. Luffy's tone was serious, his voice a little low in case anyone else came near.

"I have two older brothers," Luffy continued, figuring Law had nothing to say at that moment. "We shared sake cups and became brothers when I was seven. We all agreed to become pirates and have more freedom than anyone else."

"And you've lost them both?" Law asked, figuring that was why he'd brought it up in context.

"Yeah," Luffy nodded once. "Ace and I promised we'd live life without regrets after…" he trailed off, then managed a more sincere smile. "So I have to keep moving forward. I became stronger so I'd never have to lose anyone again."

"So just like that?" Law asked. "Do you forgive the ones responsible?"

"Hell no," Luffy scowled now, looking at Law with a petulant indignance. "I'll never forgive the ones who murdered my brothers."

"I see," Law glanced away again. "But it's not dictating your current actions."

"No," Luffy agreed. "It's not. I don't think my brothers would want me to try to live any other way than the way I am now."

"Maybe a little more carefully," Law smirked at the thought.

"That sounds boring," Luffy stated with a grin. His eyes were focused on the sky again, and a quick glance had Law noticing the talk had had some sort of negative impact on the other boy. As Law had assumed, there was no way Luffy could actually talk about losing his brother-or brothers, in this case-without feeling pain in his heart.

They sat there in silence for several moments, and it wasn't comfortable. The foreign impulse was back, telling him to say something or reach out and console the younger captain. That had never been his strong point, but at the same time, if no one else on the ship had seen his pain back then and Luffy wouldn't approach the topic out of concern for them, maybe he was the only person who _could_ say something. Luffy clearly didn't mind talking to him about it, probably because there was no need to protect _his_ feelings about it, but Law didn't want to open up. He didn't want Luffy to lean on him in any way. They were in an alliance for one purpose only, and none of it had anything to do with the emotional well being of a frustratingly reckless rubberman.

He could hear the others milling about now, talking about patrolling for danger and other idle chatter. It would have been a simple matter to excuse himself under the pretense of checking on the prisoner, then never speak of this conversation again, but something kept stopping him. His eyes flickered back to Luffy's face. The smile was in place, and it wasn't like he was forcing or faking it, but it was still a smile that portrayed an ache in his chest. No matter how much Law wanted to make his exit, that smile would probably remain with him, keeping him unsettled and unfocused. Despite how annoying Luffy could be, despite how irritated Law constantly was with him, there was no denying Luffy's intentions were earnest and he had a good heart.

With a sigh, Law took his hat off and held it in his lap. "You're right about what your brothers would want, Mugiwara-ya."

"Hm?" Luffy turned to him now, cocking his head to the side.

"An older brother wouldn't want their younger sibling to mourn them every day," Law said quietly. "That's one of the worst pains an older sibling can feel. Knowing their younger sibling hurts because of them."

He closed his eyes, and for a brief moment, the flash of another bright and innocent smile filled his thoughts. He had to open his eyes quickly.

"Do you have a big brother too?" Luffy asked curiously.

' _Just leave. You said what you had to say. Leave before he asks anything else'_

Why Law ignored his own advice, he'd never know. Or maybe he did know and he didn't want to entertain the possibility. He was content-maybe not content, but at least satisfied-with being closed off and alone with his pain. "No," he answered, shaking his head. "I was one."

"Was?" Luffy's expression faltered. "Then…"

"I stopped being one sixteen years ago," Law answered without looking back at him. He hadn't spoken about that time to anyone except Corazon, and even then, he'd kept the details to a minimum. He probably would have opened up over time if they'd managed to escape and have a life together, but… "Her name was Lamie."

"You had a little sister?" Luffy pulled his knees up and let his cheek rest on them, keeping his head angled towards Law so he could look at him.

"If she'd survived back then and I hadn't, I would have wanted her to just live and be happy," Law continued as if he hadn't even heard Luffy. "You're living the way you want to live, right? That's how your brothers wanted you to live. Recklessness and all, as long as as you're happy."

"Thanks, Torao," Luffy's tone of voice had Law turning and instantly regretting it. The smile Luffy was giving him was incredibly bright and immensely uncomfortable to look at.

Law tried to shrug it off. "I figured it wouldn't matter if you talked to me about it. I'm not one of your crew, I have no guilt for leaving you alone after the war, and there's absolutely nothing you should have to worry about saying to me."

Luffy hesitated, smile fading for a moment, before coming back full force. He didn't give another embarrassing thanks or do anything else to draw unwanted attention to Law's actions, but the smile said enough. It expressed a gratitude Law really wasn't sure he deserved or even wanted.

"I'd appreciate if you don't talk about this to anyone, either," Law said, finally looking away. "I'm going to go check on Caesar and then get some rest. We won't know how things will turn out until we see tomorrow morning's paper."

He pushed himself up, turning to make a few leaps back to the deck, but a slightly cold hand wrapped around his wrist, halting him. "What is it, Mugiwara-ya?"

"You know, I don't know how a big brother feels," Luffy said, his arm extended and stretched to reach him. He hadn't moved from the last position Law had seen him in.

"I don't need you to try and cheer me up now," Law promised, receiving the sentiment without needing Luffy to continue. That Luffy was trying to tell him Lamie would want him to live happily too. Even though he knew that, it wouldn't change his goal. He couldn't live or die happily until he achieved retribution for Corazon. "I appreciate it, though."

Luffy gave another bright smile, accompanied by his signature 'shishishi' laugh, before letting go. "Okay. I'm glad we met up again, Torao."

Law lowered his gaze, hiding his expression. He didn't answer, making the few graceful leaps needed to reach the deck again. The samurai had produced armor of some kind for a few of the others, and there was no evidence that the conversation after dinner had lingered with anyone in a negative way. He glanced down at his hand, still feeling the light pressure from where Luffy had grabbed onto his wrist, then shook his head and went to check on Caesar. It didn't matter how he felt or what guilt he might have alleviated by trying to reach out and cheer Luffy up. Soon enough they'd be parting ways and the alliance would be over.

But would it really? Three times now, and from Luffy's own mouth, he'd been told that this wasn't a typical alliance. That Luffy would now view him as a friend. When it came time to break ties, how was he going to handle it if Luffy tried to refuse? The thought aggravated him. He wasn't looking for friends or for a kind hand to reach out to him. Every single time someone had tried to give him hope in the past, they'd been killed. He didn't want to drag anyone else down with him-anyone but Doflamingo-and especially not Luffy. That thought bothered him more than anything. It would be easier if Luffy had been truly selfish. While manipulating him was easier when he was trustworthy, using him was harder for that same reason.

An uneasy feeling washed over him as he passed by the boisterous declarations from other crew members about guarding the ship, expression angrier than usual. He should have stayed out of all the personal conversations, should have kept a professional distance no matter how easy it was to get drawn in. These people were the means to an end, and while he didn't wish for them to get killed for his revenge, it shouldn't have bothered him so much to think that it could happen.

" _I'm glad we met up again, Torao."_

Law closed his eyes as he walked, having no trouble mapping out the path to where Caesar was being held while he recalled Luffy's words. His infectious smile.

' _When all's said and done… will you still think that, Mugiwara-ya?'_

* * *

 **A/N:** One-shots are so short. *fume* urgh. Thanks for reading ^^ And suuuuuper thanks to Ascaisil for putting up with me and proofreading :3 And of course, getting me into One Piece in the first place!


End file.
